Saturday, April 21, 2012

It's MY blog and I'll whine if I want to

I took a few days off from blogging because I felt like I was whining too much. Then I really thought about it and you know what? It's MY blog and if I want to whine I will whine. People don't have to read it.

I feel like some people get offended when they ask how I am feeling and I tell them that I feel like crap. I try to be positive. I try not to complain about how tired I am or how lousy I feel. There are just some days that I don't feel like plastering a smile on my face and saying I am fine when I am not.

The weather is getting warmer here and it's affecting how I am feeling. If I get too warm, my fatigue level goes through the roof. My hands feel more uncoordinated. My arms and legs feel heavy. It affects my concentration as well. 

I tried so hard to go without putting the air conditioning on today. I made it to 6:30pm before I gave in and turned it on. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. I put my head down on my desk for a second and promptly fell asleep. Luckily it was less than five minutes. 

I think the shower I took last night was too hot as well. My arms were ultra heavy, and this time around I had jelly legs. When I finished I had to sit on the edge of the tub to catch my breath. I got out of the bathroom into the cool living room and chugged down some cold iced tea. 

I am so tired of this. I just want to be normal again.

I see the doctor again on Monday for a follow up of my chest x-ray. (See previous entry...the follow up makes no sense.) I am bringing in a list of my symptoms that these doctors are going to scan into my chart. Maybe seeing the list in black and white will make them finally listen to me.

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I got the outline done for my new book. Once I get my character names and a mini family tree sorted out, I will be ready to write. It should have already been done, but as I said above, my concentration and focus have been shot the past couple of days.

It's pouring down rain outside and the temperature has already dropped so hopefully tomorrow I will be comfortable and able to concentrate. I will be extremely happy to get started. Maybe it can distract me from everything else.

"Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted." ~ Jules Renard

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