Baby Update

I had my echocardiogram last week and while the tech could not give me the results she assured me that it didn’t show anything serious. It was quite the relief for me. She also assured me that if there had been a problem with me becoming pregnant that Dr. A, my cardiologist, would have went over the risks with me at my appointment last year.

I am 23, almost 24, weeks along. I saw Dr. M, the fetal/maternal medicine specialist this week and she says that everything is coming along beautifully. The baby had a good heart beat and his bone size and thyroid measure normally. They check the thyroid because I have a thyroid problem and am on medication for it. They did say he was a bit chunky, but it was nothing to be concerned about at this time. He weighs a pound and a half when he should be closer to a pound. Since then, Bruce and I refer to him as Chunkadunk or Chunk.

Last night I sprawled out on the recliner to ease some of the ache in my back and Chunk decided to kick me. It was the first time (with him) that I saw my belly actually move. He is so much more active than Sabrina ever was. When I used to go to ultrasounds for her, they would have me drink a soda before my appointment to make sure she would be moving for them. Chunk is constantly moving and they have difficulty getting all of their measurements.

My sleeping patterns are horrible. I wake up a million times a night to change position or to go pee. I get cramps in my hip, roll over and go back to sleep only to wake up an hour later to a cramp in the other side. I have really vivid and sometimes creepy dreams. I have “hot flashes” where I will get so warm I throw off my covers because I am so hot and sweaty and then go back to sleep and then an hour later wake up because I am freezing.

The cravings. I have been putting hot sauce on EVERYTHING. French fries, chicken, even meatballs. The other night I almost put hot sauce in my pasta sauce. I normally crave some hot wings every once in a while and then avoid extremely spicy foods but I guess Chunk likes spicy so that’s all I want to eat.

I have always been a big woman and now I am huge. I don’t do baby bump pictures. I don’t like showing my body off like that. It’s huge, what is there really to see? My stomach gets into the room before I do and I’ve started walking like a duck. When I sit in a chair I have to sit back a little. Chunk is low, I mean REALLY low, and if I lean forward it feels like everything is pulling down.

We’ve explained to Sabrina that even though she “wants a girl person” that there is a little boy coming and there is nothing we can do to change it. She’ll rub my belly once in a while, and she likes to blow raspberries on my belly to “wake up” the baby. I think she is going to be a really good big sister. She is already talking about wiping the baby’s butt and sharing her toys.

I am keeping all of my appointments, taking all my medications, and doing everything I can to make sure that Chunk comes out healthy. I have another glucose intolerance test coming up in a few weeks and of course my bi-weekly ultrasounds. I can’t wait to meet my chunky little guy.

Oh, I forgot to update...

I finally had my appointment with the maternal/fetal medicine specialist. I had an ultrasound before even talking to the doctor. My little baby was squirming all over the place and was giving the ultrasound tech such a hard time. Baby just would not hold still for pictures or give her a chance to determine the sex. I thought for sure I would go another month (at least) not knowing if my baby was a boy or a girl.

She kept at it for almost an hour, but she finally crowed "Got it! It's a boy!"

I almost cried. Bruce and I were hoping for a boy. This is going to be my second and last baby and I was hoping to have one of each. Sabrina kept telling me "I want a girl person." but she is just going to have to be disappointed. Such is life, kiddo!

The doctor, Dr. M, was very nice, if a little bit cold. I know it's her job to point out the risks and possible complications but I feel that she could have maybe said some of them a little more gently. 

Some people ask me why I am stopping at two. Without getting into too much detail right now, I just have a history of health problems that make me a high risk pregnancy. This baby in particular could possibly have a more higher risk than I had with Sabrina. I have to undergo a few more tests before I want to discuss it. 

I am not going to dwell on the possible bad. I am going to focus on the happy, joyous time of having a boy. I am going to concentrate on all of the lovely kicking I have been feeling recently. I like to joke that he is a ninja. He's very quiet and still and then out of nowhere comes a flurry of kicks. 

Thanks to all of my friends that have been so supportive to me. It's been really hard not being able to depend on my mother at such an exciting time, but you guys have really made me feel loved and cared about. Thank you.

I'm Back!

I apologize for disappearing. Things have just been up and down and busy since I found out about the baby. I have so many appointments and doctors to see it's mind boggling. I carry a binder with me whenever I leave the house now because I forget things. Some of the websites call it "pregnancy brain" I call it busy mommy syndrome. 


So Dr. D, the endocrinologist confirmed that I do have Vitamin D deficiency. He started me on Vitamin D pills (vitamins, duh) once a day. He wanted to treat me more aggressively but he can't because of the little bean in my uterus. I've been on them for about two weeks now, and feel no changes in the numbness in my hands.


A lot of my other symptoms have resolved, and before I started the Vitamin D. This makes me wonder what was going on. I think it may be possible that IF it is MS, then I had a flare up of symptoms and it is over. Just because my thyroid is messed up, and my vitamin D level is messed up, doesn't mean I am going to stop pursuing what is wrong with me. I fully intend to keep on after my doctor's. If this means I have to wait for the symptoms to return, or to demand an MRI after the baby is born, I am content with that. 


Once I make some phone calls later this afternoon, I will be under the care of six different physicians. If one of them can figure out what is wrong with my body, I will be happy. I'll be seeing my primary care doc, fetal-maternal medicine doc (for high risk pregnancies), my regular OBGYN,  my endocrinologist, my cardiologist, and soon my hematologist. The worst part about having all these appointments is not having a car. I spend a lot of time walking to bus stops, riding the bus, then waiting for the bus after my appointment. 


That's life. Maybe one day we will be able to afford a car. I consider us blessed that I can afford to ride the bus and don't have to walk everywhere that I have to go. The one good thing about the bus rides and waiting at bus stops is that with my binder in hand, I always keep extra paper so I can jot down notes on the new book(s?).


I only have three chapters down but it's my goal to have at least three more done by Friday. The book isn't going to write itself. I intend to post more here as well. It's therapeutic for me in a way. I can get out a lot of my thoughts without burdening my friends with a book length conversation.


The other things going on with me are emotional. I stopped my antidepressant, due to being pregnant, and that combined with hormones have been making me extra emotional at times. My mood swings are horrendous. Some days, EVERY little thing angers me. Other days, I spend a lot of time crying over stupid things. Some such things being some of my friends.


It has come to my attention that some of my friends and I are not as close as we used to be. Because I have a child, and another on the way, I can't hang out and party like I used to be able to. This has affected some of my friendships. Lately I find myself angered that I am not invited to a party or a get together. I want to rage at them that just because I can't drink doesn't mean that I can't hang out and have a good time.


One night I was feeling particularly down so I started posting some of my feelings on Facebook. I didn't name any names, I just made several comments about how I was feeling and how I was being treated by certain people. Several of my friends called or texted just to see what was up. The ones that I was really looking forward to hearing from never contacted me. I guess that is all the proof I need that it is time to let them go.


It hurts because these are people that I considered to be part of my family. I guess it's true what they say, people come in your life for a certain amount of time. You learn from them and then at some point some of them move on. Some stay.


I really cherish the ones that have stayed. They mean way more to me than they will ever know.

Update

I haven't written in a few days cause I have been so busy. I saw my primary care doctor who did a urine test in her office which confirmed that I am, indeed, pregnant. She also sent me for lab work. She gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and instead of Lovenox she put me on Enoxaparin injections which is a generic heparin. I have to take FOUR shots per day. They are painful and the bruises are huge. 


This past Wednesday I saw my OBGYN. My official due date is December 19th. I know they will most likely induce me the week before. This is to control the level of the thinning of my blood. I am not looking forward to the pain but you do what you have to do.


I also had my long awaited appointment with the endocrinologist. He is going to keep me on the Synthroid. He agrees with me that my symptoms are most likely not thyroid. While he was not willing to diagnose me with MS, he said that it is possible that I have Vitamin D deficiency. He wants to rule that out before he moves on to anything else so he is sending me for several labs. He is checking several different thyroid labs, hormone levels, renal function, calcium, and magnesium levels. He'll be seeing me in the office again on Monday. 


Altogether I have like 15 blood labs and 2 urine tests to do tomorrow. I am going to be a pin cushion by December. 


I have to also make an appointment with my cardiologist and a fetal-maternal medicine specialist.  Apparently the fact that I am 34 is a risk factor as well as my medical history. That's fine with me, I will do whatever they need me to do to keep me and the baby healthy. I have occasional nausea that comes and goes but luckily no vomiting as of yet. My heartburn has been crazy. I mean, I got heartburn from pretzels and a glass of water.


The best thing about all of these appointments and all the bus rides is that I take my little notebook with me and scribble away notes for my new book. I got one more chapter done, and some pretty fleshed out ideas for at least the next three. I am really excited about this story. I've been going to bed earlier at night because I am so tired by the ending of the day so it has cut into my writing time a bit. It's okay though because when Bruce has his days off he doesn't mind if I sit for an hour or two and just type away.


I'll write more later, but here are some pictures:

My Prenatal Vitamin

Two Orange shots and Two black shots a day

Bruising from my injections

The little bean's first picture!

Friendship

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same types of things with their friends that I do with mine. Do you ever have friends who treat you like you are a friend of convenience? For example, when their lives aren't going as perfectly as they would like you hear from them every single day. Phone calls, texts, emails, and IMs, all to talk about their problems.


Of course you sit and listen because that is what friends do. You offer advice. You tell them about your own experiences with a similar situation. Then things start going well for your friend and they just disappear. The phone calls, texts, etc. just drop off until they dwindle into nothing. Your texts or calls to them go un-returned. Finally you give up trying, but then the next crisis pops up in their life and they are right back being your best friend. What do you do in this situation? Go ahead and act like nothing is wrong? 


Then there are your friends who are your best buddy when they are single, but then when they get a man (or a woman, I have had male friends do this as well) in their lives, it suddenly becomes all about their significant other. I know how it feels to be involved in that all consuming love, especially at the beginning, but do you drop your friends because of it? You may not hear anything from this person for weeks or months at a time, but let them have a fight with their significant other and you are their best buddy again.


I am not the type of person who needs their friends up their ass 24/7. I understand everyone has their own life and their own things going on. I just don't appreciate being told that I am like family to them, and then they just drop out of my life for months at a time or avoid me. If I am taking the time to text you or email you or even dropping you a message on Facebook to ask how you are doing, the least you can do is reply. Don't only contact me when your life is going to shit or you simply want something from me. That is not a friendship.


Have any of you readers gone through something similar? How did you handle it? Suggestions and advice are appreciated. I like all comments-good, bad, or ugly.

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Health Update: I saw Dr. SG yesterday. My chest x-ray showed no pneumonia but showed pulmonary hypertension. I am already being treated for that by my cardiologist. She still thinks all my other problems are my thyroid. Rather than getting upset about it, or crying about it, or having my head explode in frustration, I have decided to just be patient. I am already scheduled to see the endocrinologist on May 9th, which is a little over two weeks away. I am going to see what he has to say and go from there. I am going to do my best to not stress myself out until there is something definite to stress about.

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Writing Update: I have my character names picked out, and I did a little work on some character back story. I needed to understand why certain characters had such and intense hatred for each other and now that I got it figured out, I can start writing the book. Such a simple thing was holding me back from getting started. I'm relieved I figured it out.

As I said, comments are always welcome.

Tired But Inspired

I had an appointment on Thursday with one of my primary care doctors. I saw Dr. SG this time around. First, I got some antibiotics and a chest x-ray for my cough. I don't have pneumonia or anything so that was a good thing. 


I tried to discuss my numbness problems with her but she didn't seem to want to hear what I had to say. She said that her opinion is to stay on the medication for a while longer, despite the fact that she confirmed that it only takes 4-6 weeks to get into your system. (Yesterday was five weeks.) I really don't believe that in one more week everything is going to mysteriously just go away.


I told her that based upon all of the research I have done my symptoms are spot on with MS. The look on her face was priceless. You would think that I had suddenly sprung three heads. She said,"Well, MS is VERY hard to diagnose." I told her I knew that from what I had read. I told her that I know that we have to rule out other things along the way. She just smiled at me like I was a child and said, "I think you should stay on the medication for a bit longer. It's not like MS is an emergency diagnosis. If you do have it, it is not going to go away."


Sure, it is not an emergency to her, but she doesn't live with what I do everyday. She didn't almost drop four or five eggs while dying them with her daughter because her grip is bad because of the numbness in her hands. She isn't afraid to take a shower while her fiance isn't home, just in case she gets weak from the heat and falls down in the bathroom. She doesn't have to shower with the door unlocked. She doesn't have to worry that if she takes her daughter to the park on a warm day that she will get too weak to walk home.


She wants me to follow up in regards to my cough in 1-2 weeks. A cough. A cough is the least of my worries and if it isn't gone in a week I am surely not going to wait two to be seen.


I think the best thing to do at this point is to call tomorrow and make an appointment with Dr. SH. At the very least, he listened to what I had to say, noted everything in my chart, and didn't make me feel stupid. She didn't write down any of my new symptoms.


On a slightly brighter note, I lost five pounds in a month. I am on the right track in that department at least.

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I found a song last night that just opened up the flood gates of inspiration. I played it over and over and the ideas just flowed out of me. I love that music can do that for me. 

I am used to writing thriller/mystery type stories but this idea will be a young adult book. It has the possibility to be three books if I write it the right way. I am a little nervous about writing a young adult book as I know there are several things I have to tone down. The profanity for one. I have such a potty mouth sometimes and it sometimes leaks into my writing. 

Luckily I have my friend Stayc who has volunteered to be my test subject on this book (books?). She is amazing when it comes to pointing out things that I might have missed and even some grammar mistakes and spelling. She also isn't afraid to tell me when something isn't believable or if a character seems a little flat. I love that I can trust her to tell me the truth and not sugarcoat it just cause she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I am almost finished my outline. I am off to play my song a few more times, get the outline done, and possibly start the first chapter. I am really excited and inspired.

Happy Easter!