Friendship

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same types of things with their friends that I do with mine. Do you ever have friends who treat you like you are a friend of convenience? For example, when their lives aren't going as perfectly as they would like you hear from them every single day. Phone calls, texts, emails, and IMs, all to talk about their problems.


Of course you sit and listen because that is what friends do. You offer advice. You tell them about your own experiences with a similar situation. Then things start going well for your friend and they just disappear. The phone calls, texts, etc. just drop off until they dwindle into nothing. Your texts or calls to them go un-returned. Finally you give up trying, but then the next crisis pops up in their life and they are right back being your best friend. What do you do in this situation? Go ahead and act like nothing is wrong? 


Then there are your friends who are your best buddy when they are single, but then when they get a man (or a woman, I have had male friends do this as well) in their lives, it suddenly becomes all about their significant other. I know how it feels to be involved in that all consuming love, especially at the beginning, but do you drop your friends because of it? You may not hear anything from this person for weeks or months at a time, but let them have a fight with their significant other and you are their best buddy again.


I am not the type of person who needs their friends up their ass 24/7. I understand everyone has their own life and their own things going on. I just don't appreciate being told that I am like family to them, and then they just drop out of my life for months at a time or avoid me. If I am taking the time to text you or email you or even dropping you a message on Facebook to ask how you are doing, the least you can do is reply. Don't only contact me when your life is going to shit or you simply want something from me. That is not a friendship.


Have any of you readers gone through something similar? How did you handle it? Suggestions and advice are appreciated. I like all comments-good, bad, or ugly.

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Health Update: I saw Dr. SG yesterday. My chest x-ray showed no pneumonia but showed pulmonary hypertension. I am already being treated for that by my cardiologist. She still thinks all my other problems are my thyroid. Rather than getting upset about it, or crying about it, or having my head explode in frustration, I have decided to just be patient. I am already scheduled to see the endocrinologist on May 9th, which is a little over two weeks away. I am going to see what he has to say and go from there. I am going to do my best to not stress myself out until there is something definite to stress about.

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Writing Update: I have my character names picked out, and I did a little work on some character back story. I needed to understand why certain characters had such and intense hatred for each other and now that I got it figured out, I can start writing the book. Such a simple thing was holding me back from getting started. I'm relieved I figured it out.

As I said, comments are always welcome.

Limbo

I am in limbo and it's frustrating and maddening and annoying. It makes me angry and depressed. It makes it hard for me to find joy in the little things.

In the end of January/beginning of February, I noticed this weird numbness traveling from my right foot up to my right hip. It was very sensitive to the touch and if I put anything cold on the numb areas it felt like they were on fire. I assumed I had pinched a nerve until my vision started getting blurry. My first thought, since I am not the healthiest woman, is that it was probably diabetes. I figured if it was diabetes my sugar was so high it was affecting my nerves and my eyesight. I also had pretty horrible fatigue.

I made an appointment with one of the doctors in my primary care office. Dr. NH sent me for some blood work. I was tested for diabetes, thyroid, anemia, and abnormal blood counts. (I also had my coumadin level checked as I am on that for life but that is a different story.) No diabetes, no anemia, no abnormal blood count. My thyroid was slightly abnormal but she didn't feel it was anything to worry about and was going to do a recheck in 6 weeks. Since she told me not to worry about it, I didn't.

The fatigue got worse. Much worse. I could sleep a good six or seven hours, get out of bed, do some things around the house and if I sat down for longer than fifteen minutes I would fall right back asleep. Then the numbness in my hands started. Both hands are stiff, numb, occasionally tingly. I figured it was carpal tunnel syndrome.

March 2nd I went back to the doctor for a one month follow up. By this time my hands and forearms were numb. My entire torso from breasts to waist and around to my back were also numb. It feels almost like I spent a week wearing a shirt five sizes too small and just took it off. When I nod my head forward I get this weird shocking sensation across my lower back and the tops of my feet.

I saw Dr. SH this time. He was really nice and listened to all I had to say. I told him how I had Googled my symptoms and instead of telling me that I was dumb and I shouldn't do that, he said it was good that I was asking questions. I told him that I thought I had MS. He disagreed. He said that looking at my thyroid lab being slightly abnormal that he thought it was the thyroid causing my body to go all crazy. He said that he wanted to treat that first, and if need be, rule that out as a cause of my problems. Rather than go through a ton of expensive testing that might be useless, we were going to try thyroid medication. (Irregardless of anything else, my thyroid is screwed up and needs to be treated.)

The next day I started on Synthroid. The numbness at that point spread up the left side of my neck and behind my ear.

March 5: Numbness spread up both sides of my neck and the bottom edges of both ears.

March 7: Numbness spread down my neck into my shoulders. I can still lift my arms up but they both feel heavy.

March 14: Both ears are almost completely numb. Both sides of my face along my jawline are numb now too.

March 18: My right cheek is almost completely numb and the right corner of my mouth as well. My middle finger and ring finger of my right hand are more numb than usual.

I discovered that hot showers or hot water in general make my hands, arm, and facial numbness worse. They seem to go back to a normal level of numbness about a half hour after my shower.

Today I started feeling a sensation in my arm like I had laid it down on the desk and it was wet. It wasn't and neither was my arm. I keep getting a creepy crawly sensation on my legs like a bug is crawling on me. There is never a bug and it isn't constant.

Everything I keep reading points to MS. My doctor wants to give this medicine time to get fully in my system. As of today I have been on it three weeks and the medicine takes four to six weeks to get to a therapeutic level.

Not one of my symptoms have even slightly changed since starting this medication. This leaves me to believe that I really do have MS or something else.

I am so tired of being tired all the time. This not knowing for sure, not having a 100% sure diagnosis, is driving me crazy. It's making me angry, ultra-sensitive, more depressed. Dr. SH might have to up my happy pill dose. I cry a lot. Usually in the shower or when Bruce isn't home. I don't want him to see how scared and worried I am.

I just want to know once and for all what is wrong with me so I can get to the business of dealing with it. I am tired of being in limbo.