NaNoWriMo and Update

 Well, it's official, I "won" NaNoWriMo. 

Not only that but I surpassed the winning 50K goal and finished the first draft of my novel. The final word count is 71,997. The average thriller novel is between 70K to 90K so I feel I did a good job on the rough draft. I'm sure I'll get more words when I do edits.

I am following the advice of several writers and leaving the first draft alone for a month before jumping in to editing. This will give me fresh eyes for the story.

I've also been brainstorming an idea for a new novel but it's too soon ro share the details on that one. It feels exciting to be creating a new story. I hope it turns out to be a good one.

Things on the health front are moving along. I walked 230 feet with a cane the other day. I have one more surgery left to go. I have a consultation with the surgeon on the 13th. After the surgery I'll have a little bit more physical and occupational therapy and then I can go home!!

Home to my kids and my family. It's up in the air as to where I'm going to be living but I'm working on that too. Home. I can't wait.

Writing and NaNoWriMo

 Hello, it's me. I've gone through a hell of a time since my surgery on January 5, 2021. Long story is for another day, suffice to say I am currently living in a medical rehab facility and had to learn to walk again.

In some recent free time I have started writing again. My current work in progress is about a dominatrix that gets murdered and her best friend who is determined to find the killer. It's full of suspense and some sex and a bit of kink. Beta readers who have had a chance to read thus far have all had good things to say about it.

That brings me to the month of November also known as National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. This year I'm going to be a participant. My goal is for 50K words added on to my current work in progress which will being me to a finished novel.

So please, stick around. I'm going to be updating more frequently from now on and may even include some excerpts from my work in progress (WIP).

Thanks for reading!

I'm Back!

I apologize for disappearing. Things have just been up and down and busy since I found out about the baby. I have so many appointments and doctors to see it's mind boggling. I carry a binder with me whenever I leave the house now because I forget things. Some of the websites call it "pregnancy brain" I call it busy mommy syndrome. 


So Dr. D, the endocrinologist confirmed that I do have Vitamin D deficiency. He started me on Vitamin D pills (vitamins, duh) once a day. He wanted to treat me more aggressively but he can't because of the little bean in my uterus. I've been on them for about two weeks now, and feel no changes in the numbness in my hands.


A lot of my other symptoms have resolved, and before I started the Vitamin D. This makes me wonder what was going on. I think it may be possible that IF it is MS, then I had a flare up of symptoms and it is over. Just because my thyroid is messed up, and my vitamin D level is messed up, doesn't mean I am going to stop pursuing what is wrong with me. I fully intend to keep on after my doctor's. If this means I have to wait for the symptoms to return, or to demand an MRI after the baby is born, I am content with that. 


Once I make some phone calls later this afternoon, I will be under the care of six different physicians. If one of them can figure out what is wrong with my body, I will be happy. I'll be seeing my primary care doc, fetal-maternal medicine doc (for high risk pregnancies), my regular OBGYN,  my endocrinologist, my cardiologist, and soon my hematologist. The worst part about having all these appointments is not having a car. I spend a lot of time walking to bus stops, riding the bus, then waiting for the bus after my appointment. 


That's life. Maybe one day we will be able to afford a car. I consider us blessed that I can afford to ride the bus and don't have to walk everywhere that I have to go. The one good thing about the bus rides and waiting at bus stops is that with my binder in hand, I always keep extra paper so I can jot down notes on the new book(s?).


I only have three chapters down but it's my goal to have at least three more done by Friday. The book isn't going to write itself. I intend to post more here as well. It's therapeutic for me in a way. I can get out a lot of my thoughts without burdening my friends with a book length conversation.


The other things going on with me are emotional. I stopped my antidepressant, due to being pregnant, and that combined with hormones have been making me extra emotional at times. My mood swings are horrendous. Some days, EVERY little thing angers me. Other days, I spend a lot of time crying over stupid things. Some such things being some of my friends.


It has come to my attention that some of my friends and I are not as close as we used to be. Because I have a child, and another on the way, I can't hang out and party like I used to be able to. This has affected some of my friendships. Lately I find myself angered that I am not invited to a party or a get together. I want to rage at them that just because I can't drink doesn't mean that I can't hang out and have a good time.


One night I was feeling particularly down so I started posting some of my feelings on Facebook. I didn't name any names, I just made several comments about how I was feeling and how I was being treated by certain people. Several of my friends called or texted just to see what was up. The ones that I was really looking forward to hearing from never contacted me. I guess that is all the proof I need that it is time to let them go.


It hurts because these are people that I considered to be part of my family. I guess it's true what they say, people come in your life for a certain amount of time. You learn from them and then at some point some of them move on. Some stay.


I really cherish the ones that have stayed. They mean way more to me than they will ever know.

Update

I haven't written in a few days cause I have been so busy. I saw my primary care doctor who did a urine test in her office which confirmed that I am, indeed, pregnant. She also sent me for lab work. She gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and instead of Lovenox she put me on Enoxaparin injections which is a generic heparin. I have to take FOUR shots per day. They are painful and the bruises are huge. 


This past Wednesday I saw my OBGYN. My official due date is December 19th. I know they will most likely induce me the week before. This is to control the level of the thinning of my blood. I am not looking forward to the pain but you do what you have to do.


I also had my long awaited appointment with the endocrinologist. He is going to keep me on the Synthroid. He agrees with me that my symptoms are most likely not thyroid. While he was not willing to diagnose me with MS, he said that it is possible that I have Vitamin D deficiency. He wants to rule that out before he moves on to anything else so he is sending me for several labs. He is checking several different thyroid labs, hormone levels, renal function, calcium, and magnesium levels. He'll be seeing me in the office again on Monday. 


Altogether I have like 15 blood labs and 2 urine tests to do tomorrow. I am going to be a pin cushion by December. 


I have to also make an appointment with my cardiologist and a fetal-maternal medicine specialist.  Apparently the fact that I am 34 is a risk factor as well as my medical history. That's fine with me, I will do whatever they need me to do to keep me and the baby healthy. I have occasional nausea that comes and goes but luckily no vomiting as of yet. My heartburn has been crazy. I mean, I got heartburn from pretzels and a glass of water.


The best thing about all of these appointments and all the bus rides is that I take my little notebook with me and scribble away notes for my new book. I got one more chapter done, and some pretty fleshed out ideas for at least the next three. I am really excited about this story. I've been going to bed earlier at night because I am so tired by the ending of the day so it has cut into my writing time a bit. It's okay though because when Bruce has his days off he doesn't mind if I sit for an hour or two and just type away.


I'll write more later, but here are some pictures:

My Prenatal Vitamin

Two Orange shots and Two black shots a day

Bruising from my injections

The little bean's first picture!

Exciting News!

That's right, two lines mean a new addition to the family! I am excited, anxious, happy, and sad all at once. This wasn't a planned pregnancy exactly, but I am going to just go with the flow. We are hoping for a boy but as long as it is a healthy baby with ten fingers and ten toes and everything in all the right places we will take whatever we are blessed with. Who am I kidding, even if there were something wrong, we will take the baby and go with the flow.

I was so nervous when I took the test on Saturday. No idea why because it's not like it's the first test I have ever taken. My hands were shaking so bad I almost spilled the sample. Then as I watched the two lines popped up, and after three minutes it was positive! My first reaction was to cry. My second was to just sit on the edge of the tub staring at it.

I finally composed myself and went out into the living room and told Bruce to go take a look for himself. He calls from the bathroom "Are two lines good or bad?" I had to laugh cause I left the box right next to the test.

We're happy with a new baby coming, even though there are some family members that may not be. It is what it is, I am not able to ask for a refund or send it back. They will either accept it or not and that is their choice. 

I will be a high risk pregnancy. This is no news to me because I was a high risk pregnancy with Sabrina. I have several medical conditions that will need to be monitored. I will have to see a high risk OBGYN. Whatever I have to do, I will do it. This include the shots of Lovenox (a blood thinner) four times a day. They are painful and leave horrific bruises but a healthy baby and a healthy mommy is worth it. 

I already had my first massive headache from the caffeine withdrawal but I made it through. I didn't have any nausea or vomiting with Sabrina, but so far every day in the middle of the afternoon I have been getting nauseated. No vomiting yet (knock on wood) so that is good at least. Maybe since this pregnancy has been different it means a boy? Wishful thinking, I know. 

Sabrina is the cutest. We told her that there is a baby in my belly and that it should come out around Christmas time. She likes pretzels as one of her snacks and yesterday she brought me some and said, "Mommy, baby eat some pretz." She is so cute and is going to make an amazing big sister.

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The day I found out I was pregnant I also knocked out the first two chapters of my new book. Since then things have been a little crazy but I plan to get at least one more chapter knocked out today. I made one minor change to my outline as I was going along and the rest just flowed out of me.

Off to get some writing done and trying not to crack my face from smiling so much. I have so many exciting things going on!

Friendship

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same types of things with their friends that I do with mine. Do you ever have friends who treat you like you are a friend of convenience? For example, when their lives aren't going as perfectly as they would like you hear from them every single day. Phone calls, texts, emails, and IMs, all to talk about their problems.


Of course you sit and listen because that is what friends do. You offer advice. You tell them about your own experiences with a similar situation. Then things start going well for your friend and they just disappear. The phone calls, texts, etc. just drop off until they dwindle into nothing. Your texts or calls to them go un-returned. Finally you give up trying, but then the next crisis pops up in their life and they are right back being your best friend. What do you do in this situation? Go ahead and act like nothing is wrong? 


Then there are your friends who are your best buddy when they are single, but then when they get a man (or a woman, I have had male friends do this as well) in their lives, it suddenly becomes all about their significant other. I know how it feels to be involved in that all consuming love, especially at the beginning, but do you drop your friends because of it? You may not hear anything from this person for weeks or months at a time, but let them have a fight with their significant other and you are their best buddy again.


I am not the type of person who needs their friends up their ass 24/7. I understand everyone has their own life and their own things going on. I just don't appreciate being told that I am like family to them, and then they just drop out of my life for months at a time or avoid me. If I am taking the time to text you or email you or even dropping you a message on Facebook to ask how you are doing, the least you can do is reply. Don't only contact me when your life is going to shit or you simply want something from me. That is not a friendship.


Have any of you readers gone through something similar? How did you handle it? Suggestions and advice are appreciated. I like all comments-good, bad, or ugly.

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Health Update: I saw Dr. SG yesterday. My chest x-ray showed no pneumonia but showed pulmonary hypertension. I am already being treated for that by my cardiologist. She still thinks all my other problems are my thyroid. Rather than getting upset about it, or crying about it, or having my head explode in frustration, I have decided to just be patient. I am already scheduled to see the endocrinologist on May 9th, which is a little over two weeks away. I am going to see what he has to say and go from there. I am going to do my best to not stress myself out until there is something definite to stress about.

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Writing Update: I have my character names picked out, and I did a little work on some character back story. I needed to understand why certain characters had such and intense hatred for each other and now that I got it figured out, I can start writing the book. Such a simple thing was holding me back from getting started. I'm relieved I figured it out.

As I said, comments are always welcome.

It's MY blog and I'll whine if I want to

I took a few days off from blogging because I felt like I was whining too much. Then I really thought about it and you know what? It's MY blog and if I want to whine I will whine. People don't have to read it.


I feel like some people get offended when they ask how I am feeling and I tell them that I feel like crap. I try to be positive. I try not to complain about how tired I am or how lousy I feel. There are just some days that I don't feel like plastering a smile on my face and saying I am fine when I am not.


The weather is getting warmer here and it's affecting how I am feeling. If I get too warm, my fatigue level goes through the roof. My hands feel more uncoordinated. My arms and legs feel heavy. It affects my concentration as well. 


I tried so hard to go without putting the air conditioning on today. I made it to 6:30pm before I gave in and turned it on. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. I put my head down on my desk for a second and promptly fell asleep. Luckily it was less than five minutes. 


I think the shower I took last night was too hot as well. My arms were ultra heavy, and this time around I had jelly legs. When I finished I had to sit on the edge of the tub to catch my breath. I got out of the bathroom into the cool living room and chugged down some cold iced tea. 


I am so tired of this. I just want to be normal again.


I see the doctor again on Monday for a follow up of my chest x-ray. (See previous entry...the follow up makes no sense.) I am bringing in a list of my symptoms that these doctors are going to scan into my chart. Maybe seeing the list in black and white will make them finally listen to me.

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I got the outline done for my new book. Once I get my character names and a mini family tree sorted out, I will be ready to write. It should have already been done, but as I said above, my concentration and focus have been shot the past couple of days.

It's pouring down rain outside and the temperature has already dropped so hopefully tomorrow I will be comfortable and able to concentrate. I will be extremely happy to get started. Maybe it can distract me from everything else.

"Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted." ~ Jules Renard

Inspiration

Lately I have been inspired mostly by music, but I must admit I am inspired by art as well. My new book is going to be about fairies. Yes, the beautiful winged creatures. I know some people would shake their heads at that but that's their opinion.


I love fairy art works and even own a few prints and posters. Amy Brown, Anne Stokes, Selina Fenech....the list goes on and on.


I do want to put a link here:  http://selinafenech.com/selinas-books/fairy-art-books/

This is Selina's newest art book, and as you can see from the cover, not all of it is fairies. She does really beautiful work.


The song that is currently inspiring me is "Close Your Eyes" by Christophe Beck. It captures one of the emotions I was looking for and I have it on repeat at the moment. I change up my music depending on the tone of the scene I want to write. This song just moves me. Bonus points to whoever remembers the TV show this was used in. 


I have a few more things to add to my outline today and then I can start Chapter One. I hope to finish the chapter today. Mini goal for myself. I should probably get to it. 


Tell me, what inspires you? Music? Art? Photographs? Let me know in the comments. 

Tired But Inspired

I had an appointment on Thursday with one of my primary care doctors. I saw Dr. SG this time around. First, I got some antibiotics and a chest x-ray for my cough. I don't have pneumonia or anything so that was a good thing. 


I tried to discuss my numbness problems with her but she didn't seem to want to hear what I had to say. She said that her opinion is to stay on the medication for a while longer, despite the fact that she confirmed that it only takes 4-6 weeks to get into your system. (Yesterday was five weeks.) I really don't believe that in one more week everything is going to mysteriously just go away.


I told her that based upon all of the research I have done my symptoms are spot on with MS. The look on her face was priceless. You would think that I had suddenly sprung three heads. She said,"Well, MS is VERY hard to diagnose." I told her I knew that from what I had read. I told her that I know that we have to rule out other things along the way. She just smiled at me like I was a child and said, "I think you should stay on the medication for a bit longer. It's not like MS is an emergency diagnosis. If you do have it, it is not going to go away."


Sure, it is not an emergency to her, but she doesn't live with what I do everyday. She didn't almost drop four or five eggs while dying them with her daughter because her grip is bad because of the numbness in her hands. She isn't afraid to take a shower while her fiance isn't home, just in case she gets weak from the heat and falls down in the bathroom. She doesn't have to shower with the door unlocked. She doesn't have to worry that if she takes her daughter to the park on a warm day that she will get too weak to walk home.


She wants me to follow up in regards to my cough in 1-2 weeks. A cough. A cough is the least of my worries and if it isn't gone in a week I am surely not going to wait two to be seen.


I think the best thing to do at this point is to call tomorrow and make an appointment with Dr. SH. At the very least, he listened to what I had to say, noted everything in my chart, and didn't make me feel stupid. She didn't write down any of my new symptoms.


On a slightly brighter note, I lost five pounds in a month. I am on the right track in that department at least.

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I found a song last night that just opened up the flood gates of inspiration. I played it over and over and the ideas just flowed out of me. I love that music can do that for me. 

I am used to writing thriller/mystery type stories but this idea will be a young adult book. It has the possibility to be three books if I write it the right way. I am a little nervous about writing a young adult book as I know there are several things I have to tone down. The profanity for one. I have such a potty mouth sometimes and it sometimes leaks into my writing. 

Luckily I have my friend Stayc who has volunteered to be my test subject on this book (books?). She is amazing when it comes to pointing out things that I might have missed and even some grammar mistakes and spelling. She also isn't afraid to tell me when something isn't believable or if a character seems a little flat. I love that I can trust her to tell me the truth and not sugarcoat it just cause she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I am almost finished my outline. I am off to play my song a few more times, get the outline done, and possibly start the first chapter. I am really excited and inspired.

Happy Easter!

New Book Idea

I was sitting at my desk thinking about the book that I was planning to write when I was struck completely out of the blue with a new idea. This idea is in the young adult genre which is completely different from what I normally write.

What started out as one little idea soon turned into four pages of notes on my notepad. Additional research provided about six more. I can probably turn this one little idea into a trilogy.

This idea had me so excited that my hands were practically shaking. I stayed up way too late doing research but the lack of sleep was well worth it. I know I am already too tired for the chronic fatigue I have been experiencing lately but I just couldn't stop. I had to force myself to walk away from the desk and computer.

I read over my notes from last night and am getting ready to get back on track. Hopefully today I can get started on characters and outlining the plot.

I am still so excited about this. I can't wipe the grin off my face. Even if these books never get published I will always remember the excitement. Not to mention that now I have a project that can help distract me from my illness, even if it is just for a few hours here and there.

I'll probably post more later.

Welcome!

Welcome to my little corner of the world. My name is Jennifer, Jenn to my friends, and I am 34 years old. I am mommy to a beautiful three year old girl named Sabrina. I am engaged to a pretty decent guy named Bruce.

I like to write, and have managed to finish one complete (unpublished) novel. I love to cook, paint, make jewelry, and read. I read a lot. I have a head full of useless knowledge because of it.

I am not perfect and never claimed to be. I do not strive to be either. I just want to be the best daughter, mother, soon-to-be wife, sister, and friend that I can be. Sometimes I fail in those things. Badly, I might add.

Even if no one ever reads this or never even comments, I am going to try my best to write here everyday. I am sure there might even be two or three posts a day at times, depending on my mood or what is going on in my life.

I warn you. Sometimes I curse. Sometimes I express my opinion a little too vocally. I am sure to offend people at some point. If you choose not to read, that is fine. I am writing this for me. If I entertain you or make you laugh or inspire you, please leave a comment. If I piss you off or offend you, feel free to leave a comment too.

I think that is all I have to say for now.