Update

I haven't written in a few days cause I have been so busy. I saw my primary care doctor who did a urine test in her office which confirmed that I am, indeed, pregnant. She also sent me for lab work. She gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and instead of Lovenox she put me on Enoxaparin injections which is a generic heparin. I have to take FOUR shots per day. They are painful and the bruises are huge. 


This past Wednesday I saw my OBGYN. My official due date is December 19th. I know they will most likely induce me the week before. This is to control the level of the thinning of my blood. I am not looking forward to the pain but you do what you have to do.


I also had my long awaited appointment with the endocrinologist. He is going to keep me on the Synthroid. He agrees with me that my symptoms are most likely not thyroid. While he was not willing to diagnose me with MS, he said that it is possible that I have Vitamin D deficiency. He wants to rule that out before he moves on to anything else so he is sending me for several labs. He is checking several different thyroid labs, hormone levels, renal function, calcium, and magnesium levels. He'll be seeing me in the office again on Monday. 


Altogether I have like 15 blood labs and 2 urine tests to do tomorrow. I am going to be a pin cushion by December. 


I have to also make an appointment with my cardiologist and a fetal-maternal medicine specialist.  Apparently the fact that I am 34 is a risk factor as well as my medical history. That's fine with me, I will do whatever they need me to do to keep me and the baby healthy. I have occasional nausea that comes and goes but luckily no vomiting as of yet. My heartburn has been crazy. I mean, I got heartburn from pretzels and a glass of water.


The best thing about all of these appointments and all the bus rides is that I take my little notebook with me and scribble away notes for my new book. I got one more chapter done, and some pretty fleshed out ideas for at least the next three. I am really excited about this story. I've been going to bed earlier at night because I am so tired by the ending of the day so it has cut into my writing time a bit. It's okay though because when Bruce has his days off he doesn't mind if I sit for an hour or two and just type away.


I'll write more later, but here are some pictures:

My Prenatal Vitamin

Two Orange shots and Two black shots a day

Bruising from my injections

The little bean's first picture!

It's MY blog and I'll whine if I want to

I took a few days off from blogging because I felt like I was whining too much. Then I really thought about it and you know what? It's MY blog and if I want to whine I will whine. People don't have to read it.


I feel like some people get offended when they ask how I am feeling and I tell them that I feel like crap. I try to be positive. I try not to complain about how tired I am or how lousy I feel. There are just some days that I don't feel like plastering a smile on my face and saying I am fine when I am not.


The weather is getting warmer here and it's affecting how I am feeling. If I get too warm, my fatigue level goes through the roof. My hands feel more uncoordinated. My arms and legs feel heavy. It affects my concentration as well. 


I tried so hard to go without putting the air conditioning on today. I made it to 6:30pm before I gave in and turned it on. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. I put my head down on my desk for a second and promptly fell asleep. Luckily it was less than five minutes. 


I think the shower I took last night was too hot as well. My arms were ultra heavy, and this time around I had jelly legs. When I finished I had to sit on the edge of the tub to catch my breath. I got out of the bathroom into the cool living room and chugged down some cold iced tea. 


I am so tired of this. I just want to be normal again.


I see the doctor again on Monday for a follow up of my chest x-ray. (See previous entry...the follow up makes no sense.) I am bringing in a list of my symptoms that these doctors are going to scan into my chart. Maybe seeing the list in black and white will make them finally listen to me.

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I got the outline done for my new book. Once I get my character names and a mini family tree sorted out, I will be ready to write. It should have already been done, but as I said above, my concentration and focus have been shot the past couple of days.

It's pouring down rain outside and the temperature has already dropped so hopefully tomorrow I will be comfortable and able to concentrate. I will be extremely happy to get started. Maybe it can distract me from everything else.

"Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted." ~ Jules Renard

Tired But Inspired

I had an appointment on Thursday with one of my primary care doctors. I saw Dr. SG this time around. First, I got some antibiotics and a chest x-ray for my cough. I don't have pneumonia or anything so that was a good thing. 


I tried to discuss my numbness problems with her but she didn't seem to want to hear what I had to say. She said that her opinion is to stay on the medication for a while longer, despite the fact that she confirmed that it only takes 4-6 weeks to get into your system. (Yesterday was five weeks.) I really don't believe that in one more week everything is going to mysteriously just go away.


I told her that based upon all of the research I have done my symptoms are spot on with MS. The look on her face was priceless. You would think that I had suddenly sprung three heads. She said,"Well, MS is VERY hard to diagnose." I told her I knew that from what I had read. I told her that I know that we have to rule out other things along the way. She just smiled at me like I was a child and said, "I think you should stay on the medication for a bit longer. It's not like MS is an emergency diagnosis. If you do have it, it is not going to go away."


Sure, it is not an emergency to her, but she doesn't live with what I do everyday. She didn't almost drop four or five eggs while dying them with her daughter because her grip is bad because of the numbness in her hands. She isn't afraid to take a shower while her fiance isn't home, just in case she gets weak from the heat and falls down in the bathroom. She doesn't have to shower with the door unlocked. She doesn't have to worry that if she takes her daughter to the park on a warm day that she will get too weak to walk home.


She wants me to follow up in regards to my cough in 1-2 weeks. A cough. A cough is the least of my worries and if it isn't gone in a week I am surely not going to wait two to be seen.


I think the best thing to do at this point is to call tomorrow and make an appointment with Dr. SH. At the very least, he listened to what I had to say, noted everything in my chart, and didn't make me feel stupid. She didn't write down any of my new symptoms.


On a slightly brighter note, I lost five pounds in a month. I am on the right track in that department at least.

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I found a song last night that just opened up the flood gates of inspiration. I played it over and over and the ideas just flowed out of me. I love that music can do that for me. 

I am used to writing thriller/mystery type stories but this idea will be a young adult book. It has the possibility to be three books if I write it the right way. I am a little nervous about writing a young adult book as I know there are several things I have to tone down. The profanity for one. I have such a potty mouth sometimes and it sometimes leaks into my writing. 

Luckily I have my friend Stayc who has volunteered to be my test subject on this book (books?). She is amazing when it comes to pointing out things that I might have missed and even some grammar mistakes and spelling. She also isn't afraid to tell me when something isn't believable or if a character seems a little flat. I love that I can trust her to tell me the truth and not sugarcoat it just cause she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I am almost finished my outline. I am off to play my song a few more times, get the outline done, and possibly start the first chapter. I am really excited and inspired.

Happy Easter!

Something New Everyday

Yesterday I was feeling a bit light headed but I didn't pay it any mind because I was sitting down at the time. Later in the evening I was going down the hall to talk to Bruce and almost fell into the wall. A few minutes later I went down the hall to the bedroom to get him a towel for his shower and almost fell again. Luckily I caught myself on the door frame.

I hate this not knowing what is going on with my body. I am so scared that if I do indeed have MS that something will happen with my legs while I am the only one home with Sabrina. Luckily she is a growing girl and not a infant, so I know she can help me get to the phone or something in an emergency.

I only shower now when Bruce is home because the hot water makes the numbness in my arms and face worse. I leave the door unlocked so if anything happens he can get in there to help me. It's scary having to do these things to ensure my safety and that of my daughter.

Tonight, I ate dinner and then fell asleep in the recliner for almost four hours. I am still exhausted. If I hadn't gotten up to play around on Facebook I would probably have went right back to sleep. This is getting frustrating.

As of Saturday I will have been on the Synthroid for 4 weeks. If I don't have any relief to any of my symptoms by then I am calling my doctor on Monday to get an appointment and demanding he start looking at something other than my thyroid. Once I know for sure what is going on with me I can deal with it and the treatment that goes with it.

* * * * * *

The research on my new novel is coming along nicely. I should be able to take the next few days to plot out my characters and outline the plot. I'm still pretty excited about it. It would fulfill a dream to get it published even if it doesn't make a ton of money. I smile when I think about holding a book in my hand with my name on the cover.

My friends Stayc and Joe motivate me every single day, so I have to give them a huge thank you. They push me to write even when I want to slack off.

* * * * * *

If the weather is nice out tomorrow we are going to take Sabrina to the park so she can play on the playground and she can have a picnic with mommy and daddy. I figure I can take my notebook and get a little work done out in the warmth and the sun while she plays. I'll have to take the camera and get some pictures as well.

Until then.

Limbo

I am in limbo and it's frustrating and maddening and annoying. It makes me angry and depressed. It makes it hard for me to find joy in the little things.

In the end of January/beginning of February, I noticed this weird numbness traveling from my right foot up to my right hip. It was very sensitive to the touch and if I put anything cold on the numb areas it felt like they were on fire. I assumed I had pinched a nerve until my vision started getting blurry. My first thought, since I am not the healthiest woman, is that it was probably diabetes. I figured if it was diabetes my sugar was so high it was affecting my nerves and my eyesight. I also had pretty horrible fatigue.

I made an appointment with one of the doctors in my primary care office. Dr. NH sent me for some blood work. I was tested for diabetes, thyroid, anemia, and abnormal blood counts. (I also had my coumadin level checked as I am on that for life but that is a different story.) No diabetes, no anemia, no abnormal blood count. My thyroid was slightly abnormal but she didn't feel it was anything to worry about and was going to do a recheck in 6 weeks. Since she told me not to worry about it, I didn't.

The fatigue got worse. Much worse. I could sleep a good six or seven hours, get out of bed, do some things around the house and if I sat down for longer than fifteen minutes I would fall right back asleep. Then the numbness in my hands started. Both hands are stiff, numb, occasionally tingly. I figured it was carpal tunnel syndrome.

March 2nd I went back to the doctor for a one month follow up. By this time my hands and forearms were numb. My entire torso from breasts to waist and around to my back were also numb. It feels almost like I spent a week wearing a shirt five sizes too small and just took it off. When I nod my head forward I get this weird shocking sensation across my lower back and the tops of my feet.

I saw Dr. SH this time. He was really nice and listened to all I had to say. I told him how I had Googled my symptoms and instead of telling me that I was dumb and I shouldn't do that, he said it was good that I was asking questions. I told him that I thought I had MS. He disagreed. He said that looking at my thyroid lab being slightly abnormal that he thought it was the thyroid causing my body to go all crazy. He said that he wanted to treat that first, and if need be, rule that out as a cause of my problems. Rather than go through a ton of expensive testing that might be useless, we were going to try thyroid medication. (Irregardless of anything else, my thyroid is screwed up and needs to be treated.)

The next day I started on Synthroid. The numbness at that point spread up the left side of my neck and behind my ear.

March 5: Numbness spread up both sides of my neck and the bottom edges of both ears.

March 7: Numbness spread down my neck into my shoulders. I can still lift my arms up but they both feel heavy.

March 14: Both ears are almost completely numb. Both sides of my face along my jawline are numb now too.

March 18: My right cheek is almost completely numb and the right corner of my mouth as well. My middle finger and ring finger of my right hand are more numb than usual.

I discovered that hot showers or hot water in general make my hands, arm, and facial numbness worse. They seem to go back to a normal level of numbness about a half hour after my shower.

Today I started feeling a sensation in my arm like I had laid it down on the desk and it was wet. It wasn't and neither was my arm. I keep getting a creepy crawly sensation on my legs like a bug is crawling on me. There is never a bug and it isn't constant.

Everything I keep reading points to MS. My doctor wants to give this medicine time to get fully in my system. As of today I have been on it three weeks and the medicine takes four to six weeks to get to a therapeutic level.

Not one of my symptoms have even slightly changed since starting this medication. This leaves me to believe that I really do have MS or something else.

I am so tired of being tired all the time. This not knowing for sure, not having a 100% sure diagnosis, is driving me crazy. It's making me angry, ultra-sensitive, more depressed. Dr. SH might have to up my happy pill dose. I cry a lot. Usually in the shower or when Bruce isn't home. I don't want him to see how scared and worried I am.

I just want to know once and for all what is wrong with me so I can get to the business of dealing with it. I am tired of being in limbo.