Not Fair

 I had my follow-up appointment on Wednesday up in Pennsylvania. The day started okay. I left early because I had never been to the office before and even with GPS, I have a propensity to get lost. I made it to my appointment a half hour early. They drew blood and did an EKG and then I saw the doctor.

Dr. O was upset because I gained back 18 pounds of fluid that I was able to shed while in the hospital. The excess fluid puts pressure back on my heart and lungs. She stopped my Lasix and started me on Bumetanide, which is another fluid pill. She said I could come back in a month, then she would discuss my case with the PE surgery team. Then I would have one more appointment to discuss a surgery date.

I felt great about that. That meant that I could have a great Christmas with my kids. We could an awesome day together and create an amazing memory. As usual, I was wrong.

Dr. O called me later that evening to tell me that my INR (coumadin level) was too high so she adjusted my dose. That's no big deal, I've had to have that adjusted before. Then her tone got serious. She's concerned about the fluid, and on Tuesday she is going to discuss my case with the PE team and see if they could do the surgery next month instead of January.

I got hysterical. I cried. I called my Aunt Carol who is my voice of reason these days and always points out things that I don't see because I get too emotional. She calmed me down and brought up the fact that nothing is definite yet. The surgery team may not be available due to Christmas. The surgery team may want to wait the month to see if I can shed the fluid. All of these are reasonable things and could happen.

Despite every thing that has ever happened in my life, I have never been one to cry and say things are not fair. I generally just clean myself off and push forward. This, however, is not fair. I have accepted this surgery, and even though I don't like it I am going to go through with it. 

All I wanted was Christmas with my kids. I want them to, if God forbid anything happens to me, have an amazing and great memory to look back on. I don't think that is too much to ask for. So for once in my life, I'm calling it NOT FAIR. My kids have been through a lot the past few years and they deserve a fantastic day.

Now all I can do is wait for Tuesday and hope things work out in my favor.