I got the call from the surgeon's office the other day. After some discussion, pre-admission testing will be done on January 4, 2021 and surgery will be done on January 5, 2021. This will be done by Dr. Toyota at Temple University Hospital. This also means that I got my wish and I get to have Christmas with my kids with no issues.
I thought that finally having a date would be a relief and I could make plans but all it has done thus far is ramp up my anxiety. All I can think of is the surgery to the point where I cry. I need to focus on my kids and getting my Christmas plans in gear. I want their day to be special, not Mommy all depressed in the corner.
My friend Preston assures me that I will be fine. He tells me that as long as he has known me (since high school) that I get thrown difficult situations. I usually fall down, plan a comeback, and then get up and push through everything thrown at me. He says that it makes me incredibly strong. I just need to find that strength.
Work is going well however I'm, of course, worried about how long I am going to be out for recovery. I'm also worried about possible accomodations that I may have to have afterwards, like oxygen. I want to be able to do my job to the best of my ability. Everything is up in the air right now.
I think that all the uncertainty is part of what is effecting my anxiety.
The kids are back home with me and it's meant the world having them here. We worked as a team yesterday to get the living room straightened up and we put up our Christmas tree. They kindly informed me that we don't have enough ornaments and we need more so that's on deck for today. We are also finishing up decorating elsewhere in the house.
Right now, Christmas is my focus. My kids are my focus. My bear is my focus. He's been helping look ahead to the healthy future I will have. He means more to me than I can put into words right now.
The surgery has to fall to the background. Present, and attended to, but not my primary concern. I can do this.
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