Prologue: Murder, She Kinked

 

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Please send an ambulance! My friend, she's covered in blood and I don't think she's breathing! It looks like someone stabbed her!"

"What's your name and where are you calling from?" the dispatcher asked.

"Ava. Ava Samuels. We're at 3114 Forrest Avenue. Please hurry!!" Ava cried 

"Okay Ava, help is on the way. My name is Brenda and I need you to check on your friend. If she's not breathing you can start CPR."

"There's...there's so much blood. Oh Cassie, wake up!" Ava shook her best friend's arm but Cassie did not respond. She turned on the speaker phone and set the phone down on the floor next to Cassie. "What do I do?"

The dispatcher relayed the instructions for CPR and Ava started quickly, trying not to look at the wounds on Cassie's neck and body. "It's not working!" She could hear the sounds of an ambulance in the distance. "Please hurry!" She continued doing chest compressions.

It wasnt long before two EMTs came in through the door that she had left open. They entered the living room wheeling a stretcher. "Ma'am, my name is Brent. Please let me take over," one of the EMTs said gently.

Ava reluctantly moved away. "No pulse," the second EMT reported. She watched them working over Cassie and said a little prayer.

After what seemed like an eternity, the EMTs stopped working. They both looked at her with sad looks on their faces. That's when Ava knew Cassie was dead. Tears flowed down her face. Her best friend in the world was dead.

Someone had murdered her. 

Update

 My current work in progress (WIP) is coming along quite nicely. Word count stands at 60K+ and counting. The end of the book is within sight but there is a bit of book left to write.

On the health front, the end is within sight there as well. I had an imaging study on Monday and a pre-op procedure yesterday. The surgeon says it's a go for the last surgery. His office is supposed to call me to set the date.

Once that surgery is complete I will need a little more physical and occupational therapy and then I can be discharged from the rehab facility. It's been a damn long road since January 5, 2021. I've had numerous physical and mental challenges. I've overcome a lot to get to this point and it may be corny but I'm proud of myself.

I'm worried about leaving here. So many things have,changed since I've been ill. So much missed time with my children.

I'm excited to go home but unsure of the reception I will receive. I know I can handle life outside of rehab but I can't help but be scared. 

I guess we will wait and see what happens. I'll worry about the surgery first and the rest later.

Writing and NaNoWriMo

 Hello, it's me. I've gone through a hell of a time since my surgery on January 5, 2021. Long story is for another day, suffice to say I am currently living in a medical rehab facility and had to learn to walk again.

In some recent free time I have started writing again. My current work in progress is about a dominatrix that gets murdered and her best friend who is determined to find the killer. It's full of suspense and some sex and a bit of kink. Beta readers who have had a chance to read thus far have all had good things to say about it.

That brings me to the month of November also known as National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. This year I'm going to be a participant. My goal is for 50K words added on to my current work in progress which will being me to a finished novel.

So please, stick around. I'm going to be updating more frequently from now on and may even include some excerpts from my work in progress (WIP).

Thanks for reading!

Christmas

Ten days until surgery.

I got what I wanted for Christmas. I get to have surgery after the New Year and I got to spend Christmas with my kids. The only thing that would have made it better would have been to have my special someone with me, but Covid continues to delay that. He's worth the wait though.

The day was drama free for the most part which is a rarity for my family. The kids loved their gifts, and really loved the ones I got them, so I am ecstatic. 24 hours later and I'm still grinning.

I find myself staring at them or watching them and just soaking in all the moments I can. I feel surgery will go well but it has really made me slow down and look more around me and appreciate things. If I have learned nothing else from the experience I have definitely learned to take it a little slower and enjoy the little things.

Their father was no where to be found for another year in a row. I'm not surprised. He hasn't even spoken to them since October of 2018. He's pretty much abandoned them. I have accepted it and the kids are going to make their own decisions where he is concerned. Sabrina acts like she doesn't have a father at all.

I have never kept him from them or denied him access to them. This is his choice and he's going to have to live with it. As much as I hate the damage that he has done to them, I never bad mouth him to them. My friends hear all the insults I wish I could say. The kids will figure out what a selfish ass he is on their own.

I refuse to let him ruin my joy right now. I have a lot to be thankful for and two kids and a special man to love on and that's what I'm going to do. I hope your holidays have been great.

Surgery and Life

 I got the call from the surgeon's office the other day. After some discussion, pre-admission testing will be done on January 4, 2021 and surgery will be done on January 5, 2021. This will be done by Dr. Toyota at Temple University Hospital. This also means that I got my wish and I get to have Christmas with my kids with no issues.

I thought that finally having a date would be a relief and I could make plans but all it has done thus far is ramp up my anxiety. All I can think of is the surgery to the point where I cry. I need to focus on my kids and getting my Christmas plans in gear. I want their day to be special, not Mommy all depressed in the corner.

My friend Preston assures me that I will be fine. He tells me that as long as he has known me (since high school) that I get thrown difficult situations. I usually fall down, plan a comeback, and then get up and push through everything thrown at me. He says that it makes me incredibly strong. I just need to find that strength.

Work is going well however I'm, of course, worried about how long I am going to be out for recovery. I'm also worried about possible accomodations that I may have to have afterwards, like oxygen. I want to be able to do my job to the best of my ability. Everything is up in the air right now.

I think that all the uncertainty is part of what is effecting my anxiety.

The kids are back home with me and it's meant the world having them here. We worked as a team yesterday to get the living room straightened up and we put up our Christmas tree. They kindly informed me that we don't have enough ornaments and we need more so that's on deck for today. We are also finishing up decorating elsewhere in the house.

Right now, Christmas is my focus. My kids are my focus. My bear is my focus. He's been helping look ahead to the healthy future I will have. He means more to me than I can put into words right now.

The surgery has to fall to the background. Present, and attended to, but not my primary concern. I can do this.

Not Fair

 I had my follow-up appointment on Wednesday up in Pennsylvania. The day started okay. I left early because I had never been to the office before and even with GPS, I have a propensity to get lost. I made it to my appointment a half hour early. They drew blood and did an EKG and then I saw the doctor.

Dr. O was upset because I gained back 18 pounds of fluid that I was able to shed while in the hospital. The excess fluid puts pressure back on my heart and lungs. She stopped my Lasix and started me on Bumetanide, which is another fluid pill. She said I could come back in a month, then she would discuss my case with the PE surgery team. Then I would have one more appointment to discuss a surgery date.

I felt great about that. That meant that I could have a great Christmas with my kids. We could an awesome day together and create an amazing memory. As usual, I was wrong.

Dr. O called me later that evening to tell me that my INR (coumadin level) was too high so she adjusted my dose. That's no big deal, I've had to have that adjusted before. Then her tone got serious. She's concerned about the fluid, and on Tuesday she is going to discuss my case with the PE team and see if they could do the surgery next month instead of January.

I got hysterical. I cried. I called my Aunt Carol who is my voice of reason these days and always points out things that I don't see because I get too emotional. She calmed me down and brought up the fact that nothing is definite yet. The surgery team may not be available due to Christmas. The surgery team may want to wait the month to see if I can shed the fluid. All of these are reasonable things and could happen.

Despite every thing that has ever happened in my life, I have never been one to cry and say things are not fair. I generally just clean myself off and push forward. This, however, is not fair. I have accepted this surgery, and even though I don't like it I am going to go through with it. 

All I wanted was Christmas with my kids. I want them to, if God forbid anything happens to me, have an amazing and great memory to look back on. I don't think that is too much to ask for. So for once in my life, I'm calling it NOT FAIR. My kids have been through a lot the past few years and they deserve a fantastic day.

Now all I can do is wait for Tuesday and hope things work out in my favor.

And So, She Cried

 This may be another long and rambling post. Bear with me.

I've been sick off and on since March/April with "bronchitis/asthma". I had a nasty cough and shortness of breath that just progressively got worse and worse. I finally had enough and headed to the emergency room on November 2nd. I explained everything to the doctor, as well as my medical history. He decided to do a CT scan of my chest. The results came back that I had a blood clot in my lung.

I have Factor V Leiden (a form of thrombophilia) and I have had clots in my lungs before so I figured I knew the drill. Boy, was I wrong. They gave me two Lovenox (blood thinner) injections and transported me to the hospital by ambulance, where I was admitted. I was started on I.V. Heparin (another blood thinner) and I figured I would be in the hospital for a few days. Wrong, again.

The pulmonologist came in and explained that the blood clot in my lungs was very large. He said that I may have to undergo surgery to have it removed and that he was going to consult another doctor from Temple Hospital in Philadelphia the next day. He said surgery had two options, a minor and a major. I hoped and prayed for the minor option. After the first consultation, the doctor gave me a printout that was a detailed description of the major surgery and I cried for two hours straight.

A few days later I was transferred (again by ambulance) to Temple Hospital for evaluation. I had a million tests, saw a dozen different doctors and specialists, and was pumped full of meds. I kept praying for the minor surgery throughout it all but that wasn't to pass.

My official diagnosis is Chronic Thromboembolic Pulmonary Hypertension (CTEPH). This means that the clots I have in my lungs are causing strain on my lungs as well as my heart. If not treated, over time the increased pressures will weaken the heart muscle and the heart will weaken and eventually stop functioning normally. Unfortunately, due to size and location and the pressures in the heart, I am going to have to go with the major form of surgery, called Pulmonary Thromboendarterectomy (PE or PEA) surgery.

I'm not going to lie, I am terrified.

During surgery my body will be cooled, they will open my chest and they will put me on a heart and lung bypass machine. They will removed the clots, sew me closed and then warm me back up. I'll be in ICU for a day or two. For about six weeks I won't be able to drive or lift anything. I'm going to have a scar that will be at least a foot long.

I'm worried and I cry about so many things. Complications. Will the scar turn off men? (My special friend assures me he's fine with it.) Will my kids be ok? I'm not going to be working for a while, so I worry about bills. My job is protected but they aren't going to pay me if I'm not working. How soon will I heal? How bad will the pain be?

So many questions and a million more swirl in my head daily. This week I am looking into making arrangements for my kids and power of attorney for medical decisions which may sound ghastly but it's a necessary evil. I need to be prepared for the sake of my kids.

That's the update of my current situation. I still cry on the daily and probably will up until and after surgery. My friends (especially that special man) have been amazing, listening to me vent and just talk. I joined an online support group and it has been a wealth of information.

One day, in the future, the tears cried will be happy ones.